Living The Transsexual Lifestyle â€” Becoming Madelyn

Since starting transition I have become aware of the fact that I am living a transsexual lifestyle. It wasn't something I realized on my own. After all, to me I'm just living life. Fortunately more as come to light as I've had a few acquaintances tell me that while they respect my right to do whatever I want to do - they disagree with the transsexual lifestyle part. Now that a year has passed since I started living full time as a woman, I think I'm starting to get a good handle on what this transsexual lifestyle is all about and thought I would share it all with you.

I guess the best place to start is just to go through my typical day. I wake up around 7:00AM or so when my alarm clock goes off and head right for the shower. These days I've been only washing my hair every-other day (unless I get it dirty or sweat or something) because I find if I wash it too much it gets brittle. After the shower I'll throw some clothes in the dryer (to get the wrinkles out) and then start blow drying my hair, putting on my makeup, and getting ready. In all it takes me about 60-90 minutes to get ready for work and do my morning routine. I'm not super fast at it, but that's okay because in a way it's a kind of meditation to be honest.

I drive myself to work, and on a good morning I can get there in about 10 minutes (from the new house I share with Samantha - YAY). Work involves working in Excel spreadsheets, building PowerPoint presentations, attending conference calls, making presentations, and working through lunch. There's a salad bar and coffee shop in the base of the building - sometimes I'll just run down and grab something to eat there and bring it back up to my desk. It's stressful some days, and other days the pace is perfect. Sometimes I wish I had time to meet a friend for lunch, but usually that's out of the question. Ideally I'm off work by around 6:00PM, but lately I've been working much later.

When I get home I'm pretty tired. But sometimes I'll do little chores around the house (lately it's been unpacking boxes), or run to the grocery store, or sometimes I'll watch at little TV. I really like watching The Amazing Race, or Once Upon a Time. I might check Facebook and respond to any personal messages. The evenings always seem too short though, and soon it's time for bed. I really like to get 8 hours of sleep if I can - but sometimes I just can't do it because I end up staying up too late.

Weekends might start out with going out to dinner with Samantha or another friend, or even just doing some cooking around the house. I really like making homemade sourdough bread, or kimchi, or even kombucha. On Saturdays and Sundays I try to relax, or maybe work on thinking about the next family trip we can plan, or maybe just doing little things around the house. Sometimes I'll go on a hike, or go to a festival of some kind (we went to a Mother Earth News fair once that was so cool, and a Vegetarian food festival, and several gardening meetups).

After a restful weekend I'm back into the rat race again; er, I guess I mean the "transsexual" rat race.

To me, this transsexual lifestyle just seems quite average. It's pretty rare that I go out to a bar or anything - the last time I went was when a co-worker was having his last day at the office before moving to another job. I shared an order of french fries and sipped something fruity but never finished it. I'm not much of a drinker. I do have other addictions though; I crave quality relationships with friends, I love spending time with my family, and I really like experiencing new food. I like our cat. I seek authentic spiritual and intellectual meaning in life that transcends religious dogma. I do wish I could travel a little more too; I miss that. So I guess I do have addictions of a sort; but these aren't really new addictions - I've always had them.

My sex life was only ever monogamous; I've only ever been with one person.

I know that this lifestyle doesn't sound very exciting or thrilling or anything. I guess it's not really. It just feels really normal. It's probably a pale comparison to the heterosexual/cissexual lifestyle.

I guess I don't entirely understand why this lifestyle would be objectionable though. I mean, compared to a lot of my non-trans friends growing up, and even compared to many of my more traditional friends now I'm quite vanilla. If these are the things that make up my transsexual lifestyle, I wonder what a non-transsexual lifestyle is like?

Okay. Truthfully I haven't just now become aware of this ridiculous "transsexual lifestyle" stereotype. As a matter of fact, I too used to really misunderstand what being a transsexual was all about. But now I am one - not because some lifestyle choice was attractive to me, but because I happen to meet the medical definition of what a transsexual is. This "transsexual lifestyle" stuff is just silly, neither my way of life nor my values are materially different than what they've been my entire life.

I can honestly say I don't think anyone who truly knows me would say the life I live is objectionable. But in the realm of imagination, I guess it's easy to judge.

Fran — April 24, 2012 at 10:51 PM

Hi Maddie. That was a nice, and very sublime, way to address the "lifestyle" matter. To us, non-trans was a "lifestyle" -- a choice we made, or one we were forced to make.

judy — April 24, 2012 at 11:05 PM

Maddie, be who you are not what people want u to b. I love u just they way you are for that is who u r. :-) keep on swimming as dorie from finding nemo would say. I am lucky to have u as my friend. Love u tons!!!!! XO

Shannon — April 24, 2012 at 11:48 PM

What! could possibly! be normal or average about having a job, a place to live, dreams of vacations with family that loves you, and a partner in life?

Tommie — April 25, 2012 at 5:50 AM

I've had people tell me, "Well...I have my beliefs" as if that settles it that you are wrong to correct what is, to me, a birth defect. That would mean that their children or grandchildren who were born with defects that didn't involve gender should have been left the way they were, too. After all, people hark back to "God doesn't make mistakes." No, God doesn't but we live in a world that isn't perfect and Things Happen.

You should do a trans meme. The ones I've seen online don't quite "get" it for me. I don't know how you'd fit it into your day...

Remember, while there are people out here in the cis world who judge you, there are plenty who love you for who you are. I'm one of them.

Garret — April 25, 2012 at 6:57 AM

lol. Your post made me laugh. People say the most absurd things and while I find your response amusing I can't help but be sad for whoever said it. They've allowed their religion to put God in an awfully tiny box.

Flo — April 25, 2012 at 3:24 PM

Dear Madelyn,

I always look forward to your blog entries. You are an example of someone who lives life fully with purpose and meaning. I am sure this is something you've cultivated over a lifetime, and yes now have found your true way of expressing your life as Madelyn.

As a female, I've enjoyed much attention throughout my life for my beauty, and as we women will all experience at some point, certain types of attention that is not so desired. I just want to say Madelyn that I look to you for inspiration, not only for finding your true self and expressing the beauty that lies within, but you also are a reminder for me to keep up with my own feminine appearance. I am currently unemployed and it is tough trudging through each day, not wanting to dress for the day while having to do serious job and soul searching. The right job will come along but keeping up with appearance is important. I am a white married hetero female by birth and I don't understand the trans sexual stereo typing either, could it be that people who are fearful of life look to compare ones appearance to lifestyle behavior as a way to try and move away from fear? for instance, a female who sits at a bar alone might be assumed to be single and looking for action. Therefore approachable or once identified as that, one can file this lifestyle assumption to the back of the mind.

At least these folks are being vocal about their assumptions of transgender to you, leaving you an open forum here I hope. Glad that you and Samantha are enjoying the excitement of your new home and good luck with your work load! Cheers, Flo

Harold M — April 25, 2012 at 9:27 PM

This has been a shocking revelation to me Madelyn. As I read I realized that my “lifestyle” is very similar to the one you are describing. I am hoping someday to “choose” to retire from this lifestyle though. :-)

Kristyn — May 18, 2012 at 2:20 AM

Maddie, as I begin my transition, it's good to know that I need to be careful in my transsexualisms. Lord knows I'd hate for people to think I'm abnormal. Oh, wait! I think I am abnormal, but not because of my transsexualism.